10 Things I wish I knew when I was 20

I'm 42! To some, I'm old, to others I'm still young.  That's the beauty of middle-age. Where you fit on the lifeline is subjective according to your audience.  I love that feeling of being the wise old owl to those who seek my advice, and still be a perpetual knowledge seeker. I also love the 20 years of lessons I have chalked up on the board of life. It's been a wild ride, and I wouldn't change a thing.  

​I'm often asked, "If you could go back to 20, and start all over, what would you do differently?"  I can honestly say, not a thing. I have learned some very valuable lessons that will serve me well in my time remaining on this great planet.  While I don't wish to return to my 20's, I will share the 10 things I wish I knew when I was 20.

1. ​Self Discipline -  Perhaps this comes with maturity, or maybe it's a innate characteristic. Either way, it's still something I'm constantly working on. Whether you struggle with being on time, exercise, over-spending or over-eating, self-discipline is the medicine.  This one may take me forever to polish and formally check the "Accomplished" box.  I have however, come to understand and appreciate the importance of this in our lives. Create a habit, stick to it, celebrate the small wins and reward yourself frequently! Book Suggestion: The Five Second Rule by Mel Robbins
2. Mindfulness - We've all heard the expression, "stop and smell the roses", in our fast paced society, we are moving 100 miles an hour and forget to appreciate the present. I remember being in my 20's and hearing those older and wiser telling me how fast time goes, "Blink, and those toddlers will be teens, the older you get, the faster time moves". I get it now, I'm living it. I moved so fast and lived so far into the future that I missed my beautiful children growing up. Oh, I was there, every day. But I missed it, I wasn't present.  I didn't fully appreciate the joys of parenthood. I was so worried about their future and what kind of parent I would be (or perceived to be) that I missed it. We worry about the future, and dwell on the past. Be in the moment, see the beauty of what (or who) is right in front of you.   Book Suggestion: The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer
3. Boundaries - At 20, the thought of telling someone, "No", made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't want to seem ungrateful, disrespectful, or rude.  I was raised to be helpful and offer my assistance whenever it was needed.  Listen, I'm all in favor of altruism, and believe we should act with a "community" mentality, and help one another however we must learn to honor your own calendar, to covet your personal time, and don't allow someone to guilt you into a "yes".  Now I know the people who can't accept no and use guilt to manipulate are the people who struggle with boundaries - not the ones who know how to say "no".  Book Suggestion: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend 
4. Presence - We have a split second to make a good first impression. What we convey in that first impression is likely how we will be remembered for a long time (if we're remembered at all). This isn't just about what clothes you choose to wear, how firm your handshake is (although that is very important), it's about the level of confidence you exude, your likability factor, how authentic you appear.  Learn to speak with conviction, stand straight with absolute confidence, hold your head high and BELIEVE in your ability, most important, fake it until you become it. Book Suggestion: Presence, by Amy Cuddy
5. Grit - It's so easy to convince ourselves all the reasons we should give up when something proves to be more challenging than we thought, more work than we thought, or more uncomfortable than we thought. I now know that success isn't about how high your IQ is, or how fancy your credentials are, it's about tenacity. The determination to never give up.  Those who are fully committed to whatever it is they are trying to accomplish will win the game every time.  I wish I knew when I was 20, to power through even when it feels too hard and to persevere even when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. The grass isn't always greener and the rabbit doesn't always win the race.  Book Suggestion - Grit by Angela Duckworth
6. Procrastination - If it can be done now, do it. Procrastination much like self-discipline, leads to anxiety and stress. I'm a list maker and a box checker; procrastination is something I rarely deal with anymore and my life is much calmer as a result.  Perhaps it was Nike's slogan, "Just do It", perhaps it was maturity, not sure, however, now I'm addicted to "checking the box".  Just get it done, you and everyone in your life will appreciate it.  Book Suggestion - The Now Habit by Neil Fiore
7. Personal Finance - You finally get a job that pays the rent, allows for the "good" groceries (not ramen noodles and boxed mac and cheese) and will accommodate a fun night out a couple nights a week. #Winning! While supporting oneself is definitely the goal of "adulting", there is so much more to managing finances than just paying your rent and keeping the lights on.  I wish I would have known (in my 20's) the value of saving money, the importance of never saying YES to that credit card that took far longer to pay off than it took to rack up the large balance of purchases I don't even remember. I wish I would have started contributing the max to my 401(k) the day I was eligible (21).  Budget, Plan, and Save Your Money!  Book Suggestion - The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas J. Stanley   
8. Goal Setting - "A goal not written down is only a wish." I've heard this so many times throughout my life. I don't know whose words they are, but I do know they speak the truth.  While I've always been motivated, driven and had a deep desire to succeed. I couldn't define it and didn't have a clear road-map that would get me there. It was later in life when I learned the value of setting goals and it was only then that I started to challenge myself and grow as a person. Writing them down made them real, it set a fire in my gut. Write your goals down, make them specific and measurable, look at them daily.  Book Suggestion - Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
9. Empathy - It's so easy to get caught up in the daily grind that we can forget how our actions and behaviors impact people. We need to be aware of how we treat others. When I was in my 20's, I actually kicked my sister out of my wedding because she didn't fit in the bridesmaid dress any longer.  I'm still horrified by my behavior and lack of compassion.  I wish I knew in my 20's what the phrase "Emotional Intelligence" meant and how it would impact so much in my life. Learn to be compassionate, to be patient, and above all else, to love. You've heard it before, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Book Suggestion - The Age of Empathy: Nature's Lessons for a Kinder Society by Frans de Waal
10. Failure - Failure means you tried. Failure means you learned. Failure means you didn't give up.  So go fail and fail hard!

Written by: Kimberly Shapiro